If I were to go away, this is what I would say to you all:
We live in an age of cynicism and hypocrisy. We’d rather leap to conclusions, than take a leap of faith and reach out to the person we care for and care about. For as long as I can care to remember, I have been a cynic, wearing it proudly like a badge of honour, immersed in false pride that I have imagined it to be my calling card to being labeled Mr. Cool. I have said I don’t care about being worldly popular – truth is, I have been a hypocrite.
I stand before you today, shorn of my mask of cynicism – I say mask, because it did not really represent the real me, however much I pretended it did. Today, as I realize the meaning of loss, I realize what a darn (to borrow an adjective from someone I know) fool I have been. I have been impulsive, I have been reckless – those two are probably my only true qualities, though more often than not, I have utilized them to my disadvantage, rather than work them in my favour.
For, if you want to be reckless and impulsive, be so for the one you truly care about and your loved ones.
I have acted on impulse earlier also, believing my actions were right because my conscience was clear and because my impulsive action was in the direction of lending a hand. Nothing wrong in that – you live and you learn, as they say. Even if the person at the receiving end of your benefaction acts funny with you – that’s okay. Learn your lesson, move on, and next time, be circumspect in who you want to help.
This incident, mentioned just above, also taught me the hypocrisy we as humans indulge in. But hey, why am I calling someone else a hypocrite – pretending as if I haven’t indulged in it, even if it wasn’t at a conscious level.
Just as a fart is a fart, smelly or not, hypocrisy is hypocrisy – consciously committed or not.
Emotional ties are a funny thing – they become stronger over time, and yet, they retain their fragility, easily snapped at some perceived wrong-doing by the other person. We are quick to judge. But are we as quick to give the benefit of doubt? Or as quick to forgive? Some of us maybe, but most of us have so much pride in our Sherlockian-deductions that we can’t see beyond the tips of our noses. We are right, we convince ourselves – and that’s all that matters, we console ourselves.
If that be so – if we are actually right, as we believe we unequivocally are – then why aren’t we jumping over the moon with joy? I’ll tell you why. It’s because we are darn wrong! And we realize it rather belatedly – after the horse has bolted, in a manner of speaking.
I have learnt my lesson. It’s been an expensive one – in more ways than one. I wouldn’t wish you the same, but hey, let me not stop you if you are so hell-bent on committing hara-kiri like me.
I wish all of you well – in life, and in death. Amen.